Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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