My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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