no, he came in my armpit
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Such a big mess for such a small penis
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
