i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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