Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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