I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
