I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
