My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
i now understand why vodka
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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