We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
