Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
