I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
