He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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