shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
