I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
