Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
