She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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