I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
