i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I stole a fireplace last night.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
