your room smells of hookers.
And success
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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