I love black thongs
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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