I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
