ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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