Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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