i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
