sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
