It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
