there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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