Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
