haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
