She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
