He asked to "fluff my boner.."
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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