even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
