Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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