he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
