in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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