Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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