I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
