where am i from again
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she peed on how many people?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
