And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
