If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
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