your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
