Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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