My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
