shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
