When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
