y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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