mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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