1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
