im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
My breasts were aching with rage.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
