Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
